Ashleen's Blog

2006-07-11T06:43:00.000-07:00

I totally shouldn't be blogging right now.

because I totally don't have the right too after play SIMS 2 University.

HINTHINT: to someone: I WANT THAT SMILIE next to my name!

-_______________-

okay thank goodness you'll never figure out who I'm talking about. Oh my gosh, this is so cool. Francis was moaning for a boyfriend - go read Nat's blog.

ahhhhhh

MY TEAMMATES KEEP TEASING ME ABOUT MY PRONOUNCIATION.

it's so irritating, so difficult to talk to them. I shall shut up from now. They keep going on and on about it.

and I KNOW I SUCK AT THAT MOUTH GAME. arghh. lol

I'm so awfully... sian. -___________-

though I've tons of work to do.

and guess what. I saw TECK SOON today. Oh my gosh, I totally freak out, in case you guys don't know who he is, he's from my primary school and used to stalk me and I got really really freaked out like totally.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I like debates. hahahha

and I had a lonely lunch but with my nice lovely book and I don't feel like doing any work and I wish I can socialize with my teammates more but like kinda weird cause everyone has everyone and I wish I could finish all my tests fast and I wish I could be a bit more studious so that I wont screw up all the time and I wish I don't use f-words because I just wanted to get a reaction out of some people and I wish I never do that cause it's damn mean and I wish I could be more patient with people and I wish I could be a nicer person because I'm damn mean and I wish that I could treat the world like before and be all sunny about everything and I wish I don't have to be so emo and sensitive cause I am and I wish I don't bad words because it destroys my life and I wish I'm a nice fat pig.

=D i miss RYANNN. and GRACCEEE and HUANNGGG and and TENNGGHUII.

maybe I should transfer to anglician. just kidding. :P

2006-07-10T02:39:00.000-07:00

I think I am going crazy.

The day started as nicely cold with the entire area wet due to the downpour the night before. I was feeling awful though I kept telling myself this is not the way to look upon school. I should be a nice positive person. So I took a warm shower and got ready for school, feeling extremely accomplished since I managed to wake up at 5.37am this morning.

Sleep didn't come easily these days. I think I'm seriously suffering from insomia, even the nice-smelling candles from Melbourne didn't work at all.

Everything was going fine in school until CME where I forgot to bring my book and had to stand for the rest of the period. Not that I cared which was rather unusual since I always cared when I was punished. But there I was, leaning against the table, random things flashing across my head, half-listening to Mdm Tye. I mean she's quite interesting with the nice stories and making effort to try to get me involved which was weird since most of the time, I am involved, but I guess I was just dazed?

And guess what? After that I had a breakdown when lesson ended. Thank goodness nobody noticed, that is except Mdm Tye herself. I was like pretending to sleep and was so relieved when I heard her heels chop chop off. There were a few students left in the classroom and I was like breaking down and nobody bothered which was exactly what I wanted until Mdm Tye returned and started questioning me.

I guess maybe it was kinda nice that someone bothered to ask how you feel.

Perhaps it's just a teacher thing.

My breakdowns are getting more and more often and that is so scary. I don't wanna be suffering from some mild depression or something and I do not have low-self esteem so there's no reason for any thing wrong with my mental health. No reason; nada.

But the thing is that I can't stop myself from feeling sad. Even when I laugh, there is only temporary happiness but I guess there's nothing really happy about my school life. I mean I sound so awfully self-pitying here and I know I'm not as unfortunate as though kids in Africa but there is seriously nothing very happy about my school life.

I betrayed my only best friend (make that ex best friend) and got so pissed when I had no reason to. I didn't realise that I was the one at wrong until recently, can you imagine how horrible I am? All along I thought I was kinda nice, until I realise I'm just living in self-denial(my email address is so right). When I realise this, it's all to late. Maybe you think that while writing this, I'm actually hoping for my ex best friend to come back, well... I am but I'm not hoping for so much. You become an evil person so that's what you get. I believe in that and other people have lives to care about and if they deserve happiness, don't cling on, because you are just a burden.

And then, I hurt and lose all my good friends. I just screw up big time. Yup, it's kinda sad but people don't forget all the bad things you do to them. They forgive yes, but they'll always remember at least a part of it.

But the saddest thing is that well... I really miss everyone and I was never lonely then because I know there's always someone to rely on.

I realise people move on after being neglected for so long. When you are not aware, these good friends will just slowly slip away from your life. I didn't see it coming until they completely walk out of your 'close' friend zone.

I guess this is just a part of life isn't it? God brings in people and brings them out to make you understand something and now I know I shouldn't screw up so much later on. I'm just like what my MYUK bag say, spoilt rotten. I don't go the extra mile for friends and instead hurt them mercilessly because I was furious. I get jealous when I can't have what I want and don't cherish what I have.

It's all so stupid.

Perhaps right now, you read this and think that I'm emo crap but hey, guess what I'm a mess and so... maybe I get the 'right' to be emotional? Perhaps right now, you realise that I am talking about you in this entry and you are happy because I finally realise I screw up so badly?

I know I have God and thank Him that I do.
because He was somehow there always.

And I would like to shoutout to my ex-close friends:

I'm sorry.

2006-07-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

OUT OF THE WINDOW.
huge apples, doncha think? THE FIRST BITE.
the halloween apple.

2006-07-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

Fire at CASINO HOTELL. Happy on the train.

Dao on the train. Dao-er on the train.

2006-07-08T09:14:00.000-07:00

max and I at the airportt---

Kennethh and MAX.
Go go go! guess how we took this picture =D :
Begger on the streets. -_____-

2006-07-08T09:08:00.000-07:00

my sister and I! in singapore---

second sale of the DAY! funfair! ---

YUANMEII'S BIRTHDAY!

2006-07-08T08:47:00.000-07:00

Wahaha I’m blogging from Melbourne while all you people are back in Singapore having school. =D Although I do know that once I return to Singapore, I would have to do a lot of catching up. Bleahh but let me just enjoy Melbourne for the time being. Anyway, the weather is so fine. I love it. It’s like air con everywhere. Wheee even the CARPARK is cold and nice. (: so far I haven’t been to many places but I have shopped quite a lot.

On SUNDAY NIGHT, I took off from Singapore to Melbourne; 7 hours journey. I’m so touched by my cell group members, Kenneth, Wei Lin and Maxcelin. They waited with me for my flight and then sent me off with a nice package of snacks saying that if I got hungry, I could eat them. Awwww.

On MONDAY MORNING, touched down in Melbourne. I had a pleasant time sleeping on the plane and the food (pasta) was excellent but I didn’t fully utilize the stuff on the plane because I only managed to watch one movie, Casnova or something like that. My mummy fetched me from the airport. Wheee.

Fell asleep and woke up.

My sister brought me out for today since my mum was having lunch with Uncle Tee. (another boss of a travel agency in Melbourne) We went to Melbourne Central and it was kinda fun I guess. I bought so many new stuff and this really cool school bag. Whhheeo. (: I met Kwan’s (my sister’s best friend) and her mother. Wahahhaaha. She’s a very small girl but I expected someone even smaller, thank goodness she wasn’t that small.

Then we went to CROWN CASINO hotel where we played parapara. Wahahha It was fun and it soon became hot but it wasn’t too long. (:

On TUESDAY MORNING, went to auntie Ally’s house. The house is gigantic. I don’t mind living there. (: Then we went to box hill area to eat Chinese food. Hot and sour SZECHUAN noodles. It was their signature dish and it was really good. My sister ordered the spicy one; I thought it was not bad though I would never admit it aloud since… I don’t know. =D

We bought some really cheap clothing at box hill and they were really nice too. It was all on discount. You see, it’s kinda like some GREAT MELBOURNE SALE so everything was so cheap. However, there were few skirts since it is winter. Boooness. I like Melbourne! =D I shall study here one day. It’s not as scary as I thought it would be. Hahaha

Today is Wednesday. I wonder how everyone is. Well… today I had a lot of free time. And I woke up quite early, about nine? Then read Romeo and Juliet until it bored me back to sleep. Wheee then woke up about one again to eat lunch with uncle Sam and mum at this malay restaurant which sold very good laksa but then again, the laksa was like… not spicy at all but whatever. Then I was allowed free time and I went all over the place in the city. I forgot to go to the library boohoo. The entire area was on sale! HAHAH but I found no suitable books at the bookstores though I did find some nice accessories at COTTON ON which were seriously on sale. It was like from 16 dollars to 2 dollars only. Wheeho.

Then ate at another Chinese restaurant for dinner with my sister and mum. Shopped around after that, then went back to my sister’s apartment. I was kinda disappointed that we didn’t catch the movie since my sister didn’t feel like watching so we couldn’t. Bleahh. Perhaps when I’m older, I’ll be able to be more independent from others. I can’t keep not doing the things I want when people don’t feel like it. But oh well… I’m only fourteen, what to do?

So now I’m back in the apartment and I’ve just finished watching THE BIGGEST LOSER SPECIAL EDITION. Some engaged couples episode. I felt kinda guilty sitting there with all my fats budging out of my pants and eating nice pizza while some people slogged their hearts out trying to get slim. Booo. It’s amazing how they lose about 30 over kilograms within 6 months. I’m impressed; thoroughly.

Ahhhh. WHEN IS MY SISTER GOING TO LET ME USE THE INTERNET?! I need to check my homework. Siann. I don’t dare to remind her since she might start going all pissed-off at me and even though I’m not particularly in love with my sister; I don’t like to see anyone pissed off especially when the main reason is me. =D I’m a good girl you see, I don’t mind people being annoyed though. (:

AH TA.

HEH. i'm baaack in singapore! (:

2006-06-21T19:22:00.000-07:00

#1 Full name? Ashleen Ang alias Ngion Athena Ashleen
#2 Name backwards? neelhsa anehta noign alias gna neelhsa
#3 Were you named after anyone? yeah my sister. damnit.
#4 Meaning of name? it means ME.
#5 Nickname? ashy, ashhy, ashyyy, ashy washy, ice-cream, chocolate etc.
#6 Screen name? -ashhy. [ -- blood type O! perfect match (this quiz is very ma fan leh)
#7 Date of birth? 18 january 1992
#8 Place of birth? singapore.
#9 Nationality? Singaporean
#10 Current location? I don't need anymore stalkers thank you.
#11 Star sign? Capricorn (and I'm proud of it!)
#12 Religion? Christianity (but I guess it's more of a relationship with God as Jasmine and Pst. Kong ALWAYS quotes haha)
#13 Height? I want a 169 or something but I think I'm like 162?
#14 Weight? heavy.
#15 Shoe size? the chen lili class stupid ballet shoes, size 8. small feet. =D
#16 Hair colour? I would like to think raven black but it's like super dark brown.
#17 Eye colour? dark brown.
#18 What do you look like? ASHLEEN ANG. (isn't that a revelation and I'm telling you, NOBODY looks like me!)
#19 Innie or outie? introvert or extrovert? EXTROVERT. (even the word tells you that)
#20 Righty, lefty, or ambidextrous? RIGHTY.
#21 Gay, straight, bi, or other? I dont need a stupid quiz to prove my sexuality.
#22 Best friends? TEAMMATES! and Jasmine and Phoebe
#23 Best friend you trust the most? Phoebe!
#24 Favourite pals: Cell group members, TEAMMATES,
#25 Best friends of the opposite sex? Er, I have no idea HOHO.
#26 Best buddies? the computer and television screen and DVD player.
#27 Boyfriend or girlfriend? I'M A GIRLFRIEND DAMNIT. I'm a girl? -________-
#28 Crush? as I've said before there's no ELIGIBLE male around.
#29 Parents? hahha. the person who created this quiz, obviously has nothing to ask. -_________-
#30 Worst enemy:? satan.
#31 Favorite on-line guys? Hoho.
#32 Favorite on-line girls? Beehiang (she always greets me) Sarah Por (she brightens my day with her CAPTIAL LETTERS)
#33 Funniest friend? RYAN SEAH.
#34 Craziest friend? it has to be ANNJIE. (she's crazy)
#35 Advice friend? too many to name.
#36 Loudest friend? PRISCILLA. hahhaha
#37 Person you cry with? GOD.
#38 Any sisters? Yes. unfortunately.
#39 Any brothers? No. sadly.
#40 Any pets? I had a hamster then it died one month later. I had a dog, gave it away because it was WAYYY too hyper.
#41 A disease? Yup. I have a like-to-kill-people disease
#42 A pager? no.
#43 A personal phone line? Is my hp counted?
#44 A cell phone? yeahh. new phone somemore. HAHAHH
#45 A lava lamp? no. you can't read with that type of light.
#46 A pool or hot tub? hot tub.
#47 A car? I want a apple green beetle.
#48 Personality? haha.
#49 Driving? no. I drive those at the arcade though, I'm quite good at it in fact.
#50 Car or one you want? APPLE GREEN BEETLE. GET IT?
#51 Room? yes.
#52 What's missing? I can't remember.
#53 School? Nanyang
#54 Bed? yes
#55 Relationship with your parents? quite good I guess.
#56 Believe in yourself: DUH.
#57 Do you believe in love at first sight? Perhaps.
#58 Consider yourself a good listener: okay la.
QN #59 IS MISSING AHHAHAH!
#60 Get along with your parents? yup
#61 Save your e-mail conversations? yup, but I don't post it like somebody. *coughbeehiangcough*
#62 Pray? Yup.
#63 Believe in reincarnation? no.
#64 Like to make fun of people? hahah DUH. what's life without that.
#65 Like to talk on the phone? when in good mood.
#66 Want to get married? GUESS SO.
#67 Like to drive? YUP!
#68 Get motion sickness? NOPE. I can READ and SLEEP on cars and bus, jealous? =D Add in do homework too.
#69 Eat the stems of broccoli? I don't eat broccoli.
#70 Eat chicken fingers with a fork? What's that?
#71 Dream in color? what nonsense is the person asking
#72 Type with your fingers on home row? huh?
#73 Sleep with a stuffed animal? No. I have to kick everything off or I won't sleep.
#74 Right next to you? CPU and funfair plans
#75 On the walls of your room? Photos and a softboard
#76 On your mouse pad? no mouse pad.
#77 Your dream car? how many times do you need to repeat.
#78 Your dream date? I'll know it when I have it.
.#79 Your dream honeymoon spot? ITALY. definitely.
#80 Your dream husband or wife? Meet my husband next time.
#81 Your bedtime? 10 or 10.30 on school days.
#82 Under your bed? another bed and lotsa rubbish.
#83 The single most important question? can't think of any. THIS FREAKIN QUIZ TAKES A LOT TIME YOU KNOW.
#84 Your bad time of the day? when I have bad mood swings.
#85 Your worst fears? you think i'll announce it?
#86 The weather is? nice.
#87 The time? 10.49am
#88 The date? 22 june (JUST MY LUCK OPENS TODAY)
#89 The best trick you ever played on someone? it has to be the crying one with ALINA TAN. and the one with HUANG about GRACE GOING TO INDIA. HAHAHA
#90 The weirdest food or drink that you like? baby octopus. it's lovely, trust me.
#91 Theme song? INUYASHA's every heart and dearest.
#92 The hardest thing about growing up? growing up.
#93 Your funniest experience? too many to count.
#94 Your scariest moment? that time in pri 4 I had to say the pledge.
#95 The silliest thing you've said? CAN'T REMEMBER.
#96 The funniest or most desperate thing you've done to get the attention of the opposite sex? CAN'T REMEMBER.
#97 The scariest thing that's ever happened while with your friend(s)? CAN'T REMEMBER!
#98 The worst feeling in the world? HAVING TO DO SOMETHING BUT DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING IT.
#99 The best feeling in the world? SATISIFACTION..
#100 5 people to do this quiz? SABO TIME! I don't know leh. so many people do quizeezes. hahah byebye

2006-06-21T19:10:00.000-07:00

heh. I sooooo enjoy uploading pictures. It's so fun. wheee. *gulps* There's lit circle meeting later at 1pm. I havent even started anything yet! I feel so unaccomplished. Oh well... at least I've finished my bao zhang collection for CL SIA. So one down, a few left to go. =D
1. Geog Assignment
2. OM Report!
3. Lit Circle
4. CL SIA: huo dong

I guess that's about all. bleahh. I really hope my sister buys me nice long sleeve clothes. =D Oh by the way, the second picture in this post is my cell group leader. JASMINE KONNNNN! HAHHAHAH xP She'll so freak out. HAHHAHAHAH The first picture is Phoebe and I before her bible study! hahahha

Anyway, went out with Ryan yesterday and studied a little at the NATIONAL library. Sian. The study tables were mostly taken up and we only went to the first level. bleah. Then we went to walk around PLAZA SING.

BEN IS IN DENIAL! hahahha
We asked him about something horse, then he kept changing subject and say Ryan and I doing something naughty. hahahhha. SIAO.
-____________________-

Later we watched a movie, GARFIELD2. eh. it's okay la not as CUTE as Jasmine had SCREAMED. hahahahha then we had dinner at crystal jade at Parkway. Then we talked about the OLD times. hahahha then lost track of time and it was 8.40pm! hahahha Oh yeahh. at the cinema, we saw this super YOUNG couple like I think about primary 5 or something. hahahha they were sooo hahahahah bleahh so young. the guy is shorter than me so you can guess how young they were. opps. gotta go. byebye. CIAO`

p.s. see, ALINA, I UPDATED! =D

2006-06-21T19:04:00.000-07:00

wahhaha more pictures. This first picture is taken at E337 make up cell. heh. =D Wheee then the next one is at aviva open. then the last two at extra training last tuesday. wheee. =D

2006-06-16T05:03:00.000-07:00

To Whom It May Concern:

I'm sorry that I've offended you with my sensitive and immatured acts, but I'll be a better person. I'm sorry that I chose to let you walk out of my life because I couldn't accept you for who you are but then again I thank you that God would let you forgive me as I've forgiven you. I thank you that you entered my life for a reason even though I didn't exactly cherish you and be tactful towards you. I thank you that you once made me laugh so hard that I would never forget it. I'm sorry but I pray that you'll forgive me. I promise that I'll change but as for our friendship... I'm sorry that it has to go.

2006-06-09T06:12:00.000-07:00

PETER GATE!

2006-06-06T08:20:00.000-07:00

more pictures! and the other three were the ones I took in ITALY! hahha xP

2006-06-06T07:58:00.000-07:00

WHAHAHA! I've uploaded more pictures. Xp Ahhhh. so tired. I've been doing MATHS WS 9.1 for the past TWO hours. phew. now stuck with the last question!

YAY! I <333 Beehiang! I like her CLICKfive album sooo much! Okay I know it's a bit lag now but still I'm in love with click five! hahahha I like the lead singer's vocals whoever that is, that is. (:
I rented MORE VCDS. hahahh! Prime, In Her Shoes and Ice Princess for just $9! It's so much cheaper than to go watch in theatres but I guess the entire point of going to theatres is actually to be with your friends, no point going alone, it's a waste of money!

booo. Had training this morning. My leg was giving me problems. =/ I couldn't walk properly then I ran until I felt my legs going off. =/ Then we played this fun game! (: hahaha Jessica Tan was super funny, she keep saying that the sec ones aren't ta-co!

THAT'S NOT TRUE!

hahahah. Anyway, it was a rather refreshing change aside of the normal training where everything was serious and stuff. Later went to Bishan J8 to have MOS BURGER lunch because Beehiang was DESPERATE for it! hahah so expensive! like one chilli dog cost about 3.40 and it burns my tongue after eating it. I forgot about buying the nice nice milk lemon tea or whatever it is at MOS BURGER. My sister used to work at the Parkway outlet by the way. ahhah. I shall go over to work during the Dec holidays. =D

Oh yeahh! I <333>.< ahahahah okay good night everybody!

2006-06-04T22:36:00.000-07:00

EMERGE WAS UBER-FUN! hahh it rocks my shoes off. (: It just came to me so badly how much my Abba Father loves me and He kept telling me that He'll always be with me.

I'm sooo grateful to Isaac for bring me to church even though I totally feel like killing him sometimes. haha but oh wells. (: Throughout thie entire conference, God's presense was just so tangible. You could reach out and feel it in the air.

Throughout the four entire days of fun and excitement and not forgetting, love, God refreshed my mind and the words Yi Lun once told me during cell group which I never forgot was that He loves me and He'll always be with me and that He knows that there is so much and He knows it all.

Emerge was a life-changing conference. It made me understand more about my Christian faith, the importance of prayer and that God ALLOWS us to be contempory and in touch with the society.

WE ARE IN THE WORLD BUT NOT OF THE WORLD! HALLEUJAH!

Yes, it was an exciting conference that alarmed and shut the gates of hell and opened the gates of heaven!

I'm so excited for EMERGE YOUTH CONFERENCE 2007!

and I'm proud to say that the bonds between me, Rena, Kenneth and Evonne were strengthened and I experienced the miracles of queuing! hahah. As we queued together, we together identified the problem of the cell group and played games which helped us make new friends! (: hahah We met new friends from Taiwan! heh. I feel so much more in tune with spirit and feel passion and revival brewing within my heart! =D and I'M RUNNING AFTER YOU JESUS! =D

On a more serious tone, I understood
the importance of guarding our hearts. Amidst revival and all the excitement and love, people do backslide, that is inevitable. Even though my heart burdens greatly for all those who have backslided, I understood that the Christian walk is not always one that is smooth. It's constantly spiritual warfare and according to PST. Kong, spiritual warface is hell! But thank God, that He only gives us trials and tribulations that He KNOWS we can handle! and Thank God, that His grace is sufficent for all things!
=D

That one night, I smsed Yilun about backsliding, asking her stuff like how can we members do to help those we know that are backsliding and how come those we have been with me in the beginning have all backslided. I really want to thank God for bring Yilun because that night she taught me the importance of guarding my heart for Jesus Christ. It's never easy, but we all know it's because without Jesus Christ, all the non-christians and backsliders will never have eternal life and all we do must be out of love.

haha I have to go. I think I'm gonna be LATE beehiang. HAHAHAH. :P I shall upload more pictures later! =D

2006-05-31T06:04:00.000-07:00

BADMINTON CAMP WAS FUN! (:

At first I was like so bored and slightly irritated because the sec ones were screaming a hell lot and everyone had somebody except me! So I was stuck with the stupid li jie wen da but it was good because I finished two! :P

Yayness! Then we had some funny thing called the wheel barrow across the corridor and it hurt so much! lol. I partnered up with Ming2 and she was great but heavy! Okay fine, I'm heavy too, okay maybe heavier but Ming2 was POWERFUL! She carried my legs high up and went on, CHEERING! lol. (: Ming2 is a good partner! =D

Then then we had some funny jigsaw game and we did this funny cheer. ahhah it was so funny!(: Check Eeyang's blog for more details! We had water bomb next and Ruiqi and I were running around, trying to throw the water balloon at each other but it just didn't burst! lol. Seriously, I threw as hard as I could! But it didn't work! lol. and then I started laughing like mad, can't remember the last time I really laughed! except for manga and fanfiction that is. Then those who didn't get wet including me went to search for Mr Chan and we came up with the craziest ideas like we did PT until our sweat and urine came out (minhua) and then we had to run barefooted because... okay I forgot, but it was quite funny!

Next we like slack around, had lunch. Oh yea! After lunch, we went back to class and Nicole's medicine spilled on the floor! HAHAHAHAH okay never mind. (: Then Alina said my hands were oily when they weren't! I was so irritated that I went to the washroom and scrub it like crazy. Oh yeah and I drank like 4 Aloe Vera White Grape! (: I <333 it! hahaha

it rocks please.

then we watched some cool videos. Aha. I finally found out who Nicola likes. The doubles was POWERFUL! they kept pushing and the team Nicole, Dorlisa and I were rooting for lost but oh well... their defense was what Nicole called "GAY" lol.

Then then we had basketball and a bit of football. Mr Lim came to gai jiao us, so irritating then he toss the ball into the hoop like nothing like that! Then I tried my POWERFUL 篮板球, didn't work but whatever. hahhah oh yeah then we played a little soccer. Whooshhh all my primary 3 best goalie skills came out and I barely caught the ball! but hey I touched it and none entered! (:

WAHHAHAHAHA okay never mind. Then then we had a FRIENDLY match with the sec ones who had about 8 people while we only had 5 or 4. We were the mighty mighty sec twos and OBVIOUSLY came out champions because the sec ones were awful at basketball! hahaha and Jia yun kept trying to block me then I keep running! then she ran in circles.

-___________________________-

okay okay then then we won by a wide margin though I have to say the sec ones do have quite good passing skills. ahhaha but YUANYI saved the day! oh yeah and BEEHIANG TOO! lol. Lili was very funny! Eeyang kept laughing non-stop! lol

then everyone left and in came Ruiqi and Dorlisa. Super funny! Dorlisa tried a three pointer shot but the ball bounced off the board and hit her body or something or she tried to jump or something but she landed backwards HAHHAHAHAHA

super funny!
then those Njc guys kept tossing their ball over so we had to throw it back. Then Ruiqi had to try twice, then I tried using my super duper football kick but it didn't even work la. BUT AHHAHAHAHA
super funny!

DORLISA ROCKS MY WORLD.

I laughed until I collapsed on the floor. I'm laughing as I type this. okay yeahh

Then then I went back to my miserable li jie wen da after playing a bit of taiti with the people because they were playing bridge and I didn't know how to play!

Then I finally stopped being anti-social and joined them for the last fifteen minutes. Yuanyi refused to let me touch the cards! HMPHH! lol.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
(:

ashy feels LOVED.

2006-05-19T05:51:00.000-07:00

`ashy cries`

2006-05-18T06:24:00.000-07:00

`ashy falters slightly`

my eyes are closing.

maybe it'll be better this way.

then I'll see less.

to you:
the moment you spoke to me,
I already knew that I was her replacement,
despite what you may explain.

to you:
I'm sorry that I didn't cherish our friendship enough
now I've lost you
but the moment you spoke my name,
I knew you needed my help.
what else can there be

to you:
you don't understand.
yet you don't bother to ask.
the problem lies in the fact that you first deny
what I've said.
could you not see hurt flicker in my eyes.
when you denied all I've said
you didn't lie.
you didn't hate.
you made me a liar.

to you:
I hate your unpredictable mood swings,
stop making it seem like you are the innocent party.
Go away.
I don't want to be your friend anymore.

to you:
whoever you are.
I need a friend.
someone to confide in.
someone who won't take advantage of me.
someone who won't deny my words.
someone who won't make me a replacement.
someone who loves me.

I'm tired. good night.

2006-05-14T03:41:00.000-07:00

Pst. Phil Pringle's conference has just ended.

and He's still my favourite preacher of all time.
dahh.

My spirit feels refreshed once again.

ahhh. gaggggg. =D hehh. My prayer life just be revived! dah! =D

hehh. I've got a new pencilbox and 2 new bags.

bahh. sometimes life is so busy you forgot all about the good stuff.
so I shall right now put on a positive attitude and of thankgiving and love. hahah.

Combined SIA really sorta rocks, but it sorta sucks too. hehh. I shall be more in control of myself. =D

YOUR GREATNESS HAS NO BOUNDARIES,
MY HEART IS FILLED WITH PRAISE,
YOU GAVE YOUR LIFE TO SAVE US
NO, I WON'T DENY IT!!!

GREAT IS OUR GOD,
MAKE HIS PRAISE LOUD X2
MAKE IT LOUD!

I'M A CHILD OF GOD.
NO, I WON'T DENY IT!

My flesh is tired but I'll keep going on.

because
when I am weak, He is strong.
He's my feet when I can't move on.
He's the light in the dark.
He's the whisper inside my heart.

Recently, at cell group, I prophesied! I just felt the spirit guiding me through and the words sprouted out. It was so great. The prophesy was about our cell group's growth. so if anyone were to come right up to me and say prophesies were of the past, hahaha, how do you explain me?

`ashy grins`

and I've decided to spend one hour everyday with Jesus.

look here.
all He wants is one hour

and you know what?

I really want the devil to hate me. =D

2006-05-07T03:33:00.000-07:00

52th Post

`ashy grins`

Rev. Mark Conner
Igniting your spiritual fervor:

1 Thes 1:2-3, 7
Romans 12:9-17

- we have to invest time to pursue our purpose
- be passionate when we pursue our purpose
- GOD IS A PASSIONATE GOD!

passion = success

- intelligence does not lead to success
- it is about your attitude and what you feel = which should be passion!
* enthusiasm can make a normal person superior!
- passion either grows or diminishes

FOUR PASSION-KILLERS!
(a) complacency
Joshua 13 -> Joshua was complacent
*There's always more!
Joshua 14:10-12 -> have a spirit of Caleb!

(b) difficult / different circumstances
- discouragement is a great tool of the enemy
- however, know that God's grace is always sufficient
Isa 43:1-3
- God will bring us THROUGH

(c) unbalanced lifestyle
- too much relaxation will cause our passion to diminish
- take care of ourselves to put us in a good place to benefit others
- learn to work and rest
example: we breathe in, we breathe out.
- time management is good but what is most important is energy management!
- to be fully engaged, we need to be fully disengaged too
- don't ignore our emotional side
- the Christian life is a series of sprints
> fully engaged
> fully disengage to restore our energy

(d) familiarity
- so easy to get cosy and not cherish stuff
- romance can be a routine
- something that use to be great can generate into a routine
- satan knows if he attacks our passion and it works, you are no risk.

FOUR PASSION LIGHTERS!

(a) activating your spiritual gift
- it fuels your passion
- it's like recess, you do what you wanna do
2 Tim 1:7 -> use your gifts
- ask what is frustrating you
- often your frustration is what your anointing is
- not everyone is prominent, but everyone is very significant

(b) associating with people who are passionate
Hebrews 10:24-25

(c) return to your first love
Rev 2:4-5
- don't forsake your first love
= the spontaneous first moment
- think of what was first done
1 Tim 1:12
- Paul thanked God despite all his challenges
- get a free and grateful spirit

(d) pray for passion
- Jesus was a passionate person
- God is a fire-lighting God
- Paul says it is our responsibility to keep our flame lit
- what you tolerate will never change

the funniest verse in the bible
Exodus 8:8-10 - plague of the frogs
- the Pharoah was willing to spend One more day with the frogs when Jesus could get rid of it immediately.

----------------------------------------------------------

this isn't this week's sermon. it was last week's. but i felt that it was really good and impactful
yepp

I AM GOING TO BE HARDWORKING!

Next week, Pst. Phil Pringle is coming over. I CAN'T WAIT!

Hahah. I happen to love Pst. Phil Pringle! =D

heheh. I've decided that I can't mix with people who are always sad and unpredictable. I can't let myself be dragged down by their negative. I know that sometimes people can really be sad, but sometimes people shouldn't always be sad right? And moreover if they are children of God, the more they shouldn't be sad so much.

yepp. So I'm not gonna be sad anymore

I'M GOING TO CAST ALL MY BURDENS UPON HIM.

because

ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME

oh. one more impactful verse:

where your heart is, your treasure is also.

(: Let's all gear up and pray fervourly for the Holy Spirit to be upon this entire week!

2006-05-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling a little high now. a little.

maybe it'll help if the wind blew a little.

they all said that they rather know about it, except one, who said she wouldnt even want me to at all. hahaha

`ashy presses her palm softly on her chest and sighs`

this is getting a little upsetting.

we've just finished 2.4km and I totally messed it up, not that I cared anyway. I hardly care about anything anymore. it's nicer this way... I hope so at least.

dah I made her cry and stuff. `ashy sighs softly`

but strangely, I hardly care. I'm guilty. I know I am. This is mean.

`ashy shakes her head`

perhaps this is part and parcel of life. Well... I should go and confess my sins and ask God to forgive me. This is horrible. Dahh. It's so weird sometimes.

and I miss her.

Goshh. I miss her soo much. we used to hang out a lot especially after school but lately it's been different, she has new friends now. `ashy sighs again` Friends who truly show their care for her and are consistant.

I'm sure she thinks that she was only a replacement when Nat and I quarrelled but guess what it isn't. It never was. I'm not like that.

dahhh. I agree with Pris.

I wish for a time machine. so that you can go back to the future and well... erase too miserable memories. but isn't that life?

pain, agony, unhappiness, misery but hope.
joy.
love.

I love that verse. out of all these things, love is the greatest of all.

=D

I LOVE MYSELF.

I LOVE EVERYONE. YAYNESS!

2006-04-30T18:11:00.000-07:00

GOD IS GREAT. every time every way.

This moment has arrived. Another time of tribulation. Everything I was brought up to believe has been ruined the every moment I stumble upon this discovery.

satan has come to attack us. he is trying to make us stumble.

oh how I hate him.

This is the time to stand strong and believe in God even when all faith seems to be diminishing.

keep smiling.

because you have to stand firm in your belief.

2006-04-18T04:04:00.000-07:00

I am sooooo [insert word].

I'm seriously disappointed in myself.

as in really seriously!

I studied so much for maths test.

I really wanted to excel.

and it's like all gone in 50minutes.

It was an easy paper! It was! I just don't understand why I was so nervous and WHY I SKIPPED SO MANY QUESTIONS!

You know what? I might just fail. I feel really very sad now.

dahh. no mood to do chinese. This sucks. I MUGGED SO HARD! I REALLY TRIED! and what rubbish did I give? TOTAL RUBBISH.

oh my gahh. I was confident! then came the first question and I fell like a fat cow. I'm like... really really sad. OH MY ARGGHHHH.

Praise the LORD still. I didn't give up halfway.

`ashy smiles warmly`

Hey you!
I'm sorry if I'm not replying or sounding extremely nonchalant. I can't help it. I'm not feeling very good recently. dahdah.

I <333 GOD. He's good even when I'm not!

dahh. chinese here I come!

JIA YOU ASHHY! hahah

2006-04-17T05:57:00.000-07:00

quote of the day:

"I'll fail if I had to do a character analysis of you, Ash"

xP I'm so predictable, how could she not pass? hahah anyway I'm just taking a slight break from Maths revision which is totally blowing me off.

`ashy gets blown away`

okay lame. =D

I still havent gotten my work done. -_____________________-

dahhh. blehhh. but I was hardworking today! if you don't believe, ask Jessica Choo! hahah she was with me in the library. and then she kept walking around. hahah xP

okay. someone is trying to explain maths to me now but I've no idea!

"Eh? They are related such that.... They can only move up and down... Taking bout a point, the y value can only note that point vertically not left and right."

I'm asking about the relationship of the y-intercept and y-coordinate. does anyone understand? hahaha xP I think I'll do without the explanation. lol

gotta gooo. byeee. back to mugger mode.

2006-04-16T05:07:00.000-07:00

Homework left:

`1 - study for Science Quiz
`2 - Public Speaking Research, Outline and Proposal
`3 - LA Article
`4 - Chinese é•¿æ–‡ç¼©çŸ
`5 - Four ç†è§£é—®ç”
`6 - Three Geog Worksheets
`7 - CL WS
`8 - Maths SIA reflections
`9 - Maths Revision WS
`10 - åº”ç”¨æ–‡
`11 - Intense mugging for Geography and Maths Test

basically in other words. I hardly did anything. hahah well done ashhy. xP

2006-04-15T02:58:00.000-07:00

bloody hell.

ive screwed up my friday. dahh. no work done at all. oh my gahh. im dying. byeee

and my msn's not working. screw it.

2006-04-13T19:21:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUANYI & JEMIMA!

2006-04-13T18:54:00.000-07:00

Homework:

`1 - study for Science Quiz
`2 - Public Speaking Research, Outline and Proposal
`3 - LA Article
`4 - Chinese 长文缩短
`5 - Four 理解问答
`6 - Three Geog Worksheets
`7 - Chem SIA Research
`8 - CL WS
`9 - Maths SIA reflections
`10 - Maths Revision WS
`11 - 作文
`12 - 应用文
`13 - Intense mugging for Geography and Maths Test

tell me about work.

2006-04-11T06:02:00.000-07:00

yeah. i feel like crying too.

2006-04-10T01:32:00.000-07:00

42th Post!

hahah. I had church yesterday. hehh. I was really touched... by PRAISE. hahah. It was so weird, of all times I cry, I cry during praise. hahahha. well... it was something about never stop singing his praises and it was like... I realise that...

everytime before training, I'll pray soooo hard that He'll let me play today and it's like after that I'll thank Him when He does, but then again, when He doesn't, I'll be like a bit upset and stuff but I learn that this is not the way how God works. He doesn't give you everything you ask. He's like a parent, wait He is one. He is a parent who know when and how to give his child. I notice each time I'm only grateful for things that I was able to attain but not things that I've already have.

(: Thank God for this revelation!

hehh. ahh. my heart aches now. the absolute boyfriend's ending was so utterly heart-wretching. blehh. =//

I shall go do my homework leh. byeee.

2006-04-08T03:36:00.000-07:00

Your Personality Profile

You are sexy, powerful, and bold.You're full of passion and energy...Sometimes this passion has a dark side.

You feel most alive when you're seducing someone.You never fail to get someone's attention.Quick minded, you're also quick to lose your temper!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

no comments. -___________________-

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love.

Although you may have been hurt before, you tend to bring very little scars into new relationships.

You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back.

In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm.

Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

not applicable! hahah

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Personality Is

Guardian (SJ)

You are sensible, down to earth, and goal oriented.Bottom line, you are good at playing by the rules.

You tend to be dominant - and you are a natural leader.You are interested in rules and order. Morals are important to you.

A hard worker, you give your all at whatever you do.You're very serious, and people often tell you to lighten up.

In love, you tend to take things carefully and slowly.

At work, you are suited to almost any career - but you excel in leadership positions.

With others, you tend to be polite and formal.

As far as looks go, you are traditionally attractive. You take good care of yourself.

On weekends, you tend to like to do organized activities. In fact, you often organize them!

The Three Question Personality Test

2006-04-02T04:18:00.000-07:00

Okay here's how youre supposed to play the game:

The tagged victim has to come up with 8 different points of how the want their perfect lover to be like. Specify gender of the target. Tag 8 victims to join in this game. Leave a msg on their page saying theyve been tagged. If tagged twice, there's no need to post a second time.

Gender: Male (sorry I'm perfectly straight, girls)

Characteristics:
1. Tolerant - of my nonsense
2. Entertaining - as in like that type of entertainment and like we have something to talk about that type of thing
3. CHRISTIAN - stronger than me in my faith, it must be of God's will
4. Good character - sincere, smart, optimistic, encouraging, good attitude, non-slackerish, NO PLAYERS, FLIRTS and BAD BOYS
5. More matured in terms of mentality and physically
6. Average looking - taller than me, can't be prettier than me, can't be too good looking
7. LOVE ME - like seriously, sincerely love me! hahah. I don't need to be all he loves, but he must love me like that!

My Targets:
1. Changzhong
2. Jemima
3. Grace Wu
4. Ryan
5. Pin Hong
6. Beehiang
7. Sarah Por
8. Priscilla

-ohmygah. hahaha no. 3 and 7 eliminates like 3/4 of the eligible male population

haiyoh hahaha xP

2006-04-02T04:06:00.000-07:00

-___________________-

i saw kelvin woon today! at church and he got lost. such a loser. haix.
kelvin called me a poser.
ohmygah.
I'm not a poserr!!!
he's just not used to seeing girls dressed nicely. ((:

But if we could work together and open the gate that holds all differences, I could show you how much better our world can be
everyone si poser wad

But if we could work together and open the gate that holds all differences, I could show you how much better our world can be
either ur nerd

But if we could work together and open the gate that holds all differences, I could show you how much better our world can be
or ur poser

But if we could work together and open the gate that holds all differences, I could show you how much better our world can be
:D

-ashhy. [ -- then it dawned upon me; we were worlds apart.
shirt and jeans le

-ashhy. [ -- then it dawned upon me; we were worlds apart.
so you are nerd

-ashhy. [ -- then it dawned upon me; we were worlds apart.
lol

But if we could work together and open the gate that holds all differences, I could show you how much better our world can be
hmm wadeva lol

HAHAHAH. nerd. loser. freak.

haiyoh. hahahha xP ahhh currently reading fruit basket. wheeeho. (:

2006-03-31T05:36:00.000-08:00

ashhy is sad. does anyone care? hhah.

2006-03-30T05:23:00.000-08:00

Oh my gah. I <333 this quote from The OC.

"who are you?"

"whoever you want me to be."

OH MY GAH. so frickin sweet. =// I'm nutters for sweetness. shoots. hahah

2006-03-30T02:22:00.000-08:00

36th Post

dah. This is weirdd. (: hahah. I want stuff that I can't have. then whatever I have, I don't cherish.

so I shall start cherishing stuff that I have now.
don't be so superficial ash. =//
ahhh. I shall cherish all my nice girlfriends more.
why keep taking risks?
ahh. ((: bored. wanna get well soon and sleep. nites.

2006-03-29T02:08:00.000-08:00

35th Post

Life is more than

Losing a friend.
Losing a loved one.
Getting bad results.
Getting frustrated over stuff.
Having almost everyone to hate you.
Your mum cursing at you.
Your friends isolating you.
Love fading away.
Losing control of your own life
Having to realise that everything is just wrong
Your best friend treating you as if you were invisible.
Not performing at your CCA
The fact that
-you can't run as fast as others no matter how hard you try.
-you can't stop people from being sad
Friends backstabbing you
People treating you as a big joke.
People treating you as if you don't exist at all.
Stupid homework.
Living an almost meaningless life.
Feeling emotionally and physically drained
Waking up on the wrong side of the bed.
PMS-ing on the people around you.
Having to endure the winces and complains of super duper sensitive people.
Forgetting to spend time with God.
Crying on your birthday.
Being compared to your best friend who is almost perfect.
Not getting a chance to play with your doubles partner because you aren't good enough.
Feeling miserable thanks to hurtful words.

Life is all of that, but it is more than that.
So sMiLe and wipe those tears away.

Because...There's more to Life than all that. (:

---- need anything? message at friendster. XD
OR email at indenialz@hotmail.com
God Bless You
even when everything seems to go wrong. =)

2006-03-28T03:55:00.000-08:00

listening to: dancing alone - ashlee simpson

wheeho.

mood: wanting to feel something.

dadahh. CIP is wrongg. hahahh.

siann. tired. ahh girls are so much safer to stick too but isn't life all about risks? hahah (: wheeho.

we all know what we can expect but it's better this way.

do you love me.
oh say you love me.

OMG JEM it failed. I knew I shouldn't have tried starting the convo. I'm like sad. like seriously. OMG SHUCKS. haix. okay it sucks to be rejected. hahah life is all about taking the risks.

and not what shyt about broken hearts and lost dreams. HAHAHAH but seriously. boo. kinda sad. ): haix never mind. the other one also very funny:
huh
wad sms did u send me
oh no
lol

like what the. -______________________- eeyar. I'm not in good mood. ahh argh. blood! lol. bb.

2006-03-27T03:33:00.000-08:00

WHEEO. =P

-quick updates-

B DIV WON
C DIV WON

= we totally rule.

_______________________________

Natalie and I SHOULD BE fine after our talk today. I gave the best advice I could give just as Enlin had advised me too and I realised that actually she didn't know that much after all. (: hahah so I'm glad that I filled her with knowledge. daadah.

_______________________________

I don't know where to put my precious neoprints. I just like to stare at them all day but I don't know where to put them

_______________________________

I CUT MY HAIR (: short and sweet and KAWAII but a little less chio. hahah. I still feel a little bimbotic. hmm. like someone I know. `ashy winks at sam rae` (:

_______________________________

NY SQUASH C DIV' WON MGS!! WOOTS. I'm so happy for them. hahaha as in seriously. OMG DON'T DOUBT ME! DON'T DOUBT ME! They proved me wrong! hahah okay wait. I'm not wrong. I'M NOT WRONG. I'M ALWAYS RIGHT! THEY ARE NOT NOT WRONG. I NEVER SAID I THOUGHT THEY WERE WRONG. okay nvm. lamee. -________________-

________________________________

yay. I <333 my blogskins. It has butterflies and apple green (: yayness.

________________________________

lastly. (: ASHLEE SIMPSON ROCKS. =D dadaha. I miss a certain raffles voice member. hahahha

2006-03-25T04:09:00.000-08:00

HELLO

THANK YOU ENLIN!

-_________________________- she made me put there. she was yelling at me to put that! hahahha XP

Anyway it was so cool cause while taking a nap, I made my maid wake me up when Enlin called and when she did, I was like. "HELLO ENLIN, I MISS YOU!" hahahha then we started to talk about really random stuff, our topics forever changing. (: I miss Enlin Chua.

Enlin, I miss you calling me an idiot too. (:

AHHH she's coming back soon. I can't wait. dadahs -.

Walk the line DVD and
the AFTERS CD

madness(:

and funny Enlin has a funny way of persuading people. She's quite good at it.

hahaha =D

Anyway, I feel so mean. I fell asleep during cell group today. well... sorta closed my eyes and like slowly drifted... I was just so tired especially since I spent my napping time talking to Enlin

and yeah watch this. I cried. IT'S SOOO TOUCHING! (:

http://livedigital.com/ALukrwDGdg/content/52110

It's like sooo good. (: maddness

I <333 SAM RAE too. She's such a darling. (:
heheh. how can I bear to leave you guys?

hehe. and yuanyuan is right. =D Someday he'll see me play a powerful good shot. (:

love ya guys dadah.
-ashyy washhy*

2006-03-24T18:45:00.000-08:00

HELLO!

Enlin has cleared up my mind so muchh. =D
yay. hmm. I LOVE HER PLEASE. AND I LOVE MYSELF TOO. PLEASE. lol
XP

hmm. I'm still reconsidering 80% to NYGH though. =D

2006-03-23T06:06:00.000-08:00

HELLO

my chest hurts a little. haha but hopefully it'll be okay by tomorrow.

dadah.

I like this:

"I'll save that little bit of me for the future you"

The future is unpredictable yet so predictable.
hahah the irony, yes.

I know God has someone out there for me.
I know God wants me to have the patience.
I know I have to have the patience to not miss out God's calling.

He's not there yet.

and that's all I need to acknowledge.

and some friends are just not worth having.

accquiantance yes.

but no more than that.

I'm sorry Nat for telling you that I didn't want to hear any of it. I know that you want me to listen to you about it. but I can't. I'm sorry that I'm so selfish that I can't bear to sit there to listen... Darling, it's strange, but that's how I weirdly work. I need the least contact as possible.

I agree with Enlin.

I care about people still, a lot, though my words hardly express that.

It's not that kind of like. hahahaha I've come to terms with that (:

love you people.

May God be with you.

2006-03-21T04:47:00.000-08:00

HELLO
hahha

I've recovered from badminton though I'm coughing quite badly.

booo. =( dadah. Mr Wee didnt want me to play with Yuanyi today and decided to pair her up with Eeyang and the funny thing was she told me that "I don't think we will be playing today" hahaha. pleaseh. it's I who will not be playing, not her. bleagh. I shan't talk about this. It's madness. (:

Oh yes! Today we had a our first 'bible' session. hahh. though we didn't have full attendence, but it was great listening to Sarah Por's testimony... well... her's teacher's testimony. hahahha and

I UNDERSTOOD MS LEE'S LINEAR CONCEPT.
wahhaha XP that's certainly something to be proud of. =P
since many didn't get it. I thinka.

ahhh. =P

yesterday and today was madness can. This morning was pure madness. I was going hysterical (dont think I dont know it___) dadah. I will make my priorities right again! hahaha

1. God
2. Family
3. Studies
4. Relationships
5. Badminton

ah. great. =D
ahah. byebye-.

-ashhy-

I <333 nat.

and I love myself please.
hahaha

and =D

2006-03-20T06:36:00.000-08:00

HELLO!

hahah today was quite interesting.

I dont know what I'm doing up so late though.

God really helped me pull through today. I managed to go through the entire day (odd week) with my even day books. hahahah. I don't know why I lacked so much faith. I should have just trusted Him all the way. xP

"dont dwell in the past" He said to me. =D

Thank God. That was all I needed to hear.

I don't know how I'm gonna pull through this seriously. As in. it was weird. Hahah. But I don't think it really matters now, does it? What's if God closer with me, ever than before.

It'll be hard, but I'm believing for a breakthrough.

okay apparently. I'm 'obsessed' with fat stuff. like nat's polarchuck or whatever it is. hahahha

Okay. er Nat played well for the last set - the only set I saw. very pissed. hhaha

erhh. xP and we did home econs and I sat 13 and went home. dada.

life is GREAT. BRILLANT. WHATEVER
HAHAHA =D

byebye.

2006-03-16T15:52:00.000-08:00

HELLO

=D
today is Friday and I still have a lot of work yet to be completed. lol.

HOMEWORK:

1. Science WS 3.1 - DNA model
2. LA & Comb. Humanities Article
3. Home Econs File
4. Maths Article - Jap Numerals

DADA. DIDI.

hahaha I have to go. cheer up JEM. =D

heh.

2006-03-14T04:21:00.000-08:00

HELLO!

hahahha

I've just finished my bio peoms. heh.

Now left with:
1. LA SIA article
2. CL SIA article
3. Maths thingo
4. Maths Quiz - mugging

had training today and my attitude totally sucked. I was not serious or commited. I was just plain sian-ing off. I've no idea why. blehh and someone kept picking on me making me even more irritated. and she's like... before I can explain anything, she'll just turn away like some princess. bleh. who cares. I shan't let my life be made unhappy unthanks to these people.

Then I went to the library with Nicole, Beehiang and Mingming to mug. well.. 'mug' hahahaha. We were like totally wasting our time there, doing stupid stuff. hahah. xP

I'm so glad Beehiang and Mingming can go tomorrow for cell group outing! =D

yay. dada. life is great. =D
hahah. I like my life now! =D

2006-03-13T05:40:00.000-08:00

HELLO HELLO! =D

This morning I had bible study with Jasmine and she brought me breakfast. hahah. =D really nice of her. Heh. I shall go revise on my bible study later on. I've decided that I must be more commited to becoming a disciple! I want to be a representative of Jesus on Earth! =D

hahha then I went to Yio Chu Kang and while I was still at city hall, somebody called me up and said that nobody would be home so asked whether my vcds could be left at the mailbox.

-________________________-

hmph. hahahha so I was like... lucky I told Yuanyi that I was gonna visit her house. HEH. =D

And I sure had fun. =D

We played pool. wahhah. three rounds. I WON THE FIRST AND THE LAST. WOOTS.

hahaha and all by my proness. lol. Yuanyuan can tell you that. =P

Then it was table tennis I lost all even though my match point was 15 and 11. Booo. so I sorta owe her chips. hahaha but it was super funn. =D and I finally got to see my book =D

hehe. and I didn't do a single piece of homework todayy.. it was CRAZY. =D

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v125/capricorn_snowy/Neoprints02.jpg
OMG. THEN IT WAS LIKE I WENT TO TAMPINES MALL. hahahah Xp

with grace. dada. and then Tim came later on. Nothing much though... it was really crazy! hahaha. We brought her brother's present and ate dinner. and took NEOPRINTS. *see above*

Then we watched BIG MOMMA 2. hahah it was quite hilarious.

superr funny. =D

and yuanyuan kept pulling my earrings.
-___________________________-

cause she insisted that they were HUGE.

Anyway, tomorrow I shall do my

BIO POEM
&
MATHS SIA
&
CL SIA

Life is too sweet to be short. xP

Thank God. =D

2006-03-11T02:01:00.000-08:00

HELLO

=D

Just came from Cell group and survived the RAIN AND STORM with Max. =D

heh. Then I abandoned her when I received a call from Mingming. lol.

YOU CAN'T MINGO. hahah YOU CANT!
hahah. Xp

I'm weirdd.

Anyway I just positively <333 Neoprints!

They are so cool! I showed many people my team's neoprints today. =D yay.
We had combined cell group today so Yi Lun preached. heh. =D It was so cool! and I learnt that

"WITH GOD, NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!"

And this shall be my slogan for the rest of my life. =D

Okay, then after that I came back and fell in love with neoprints all over again. hahaha.

dada. =D

Here are the homework:

1. Art materials
2. LA SIA
3. TWO class minutes
4. CL SIA
5. Bio Poems
6. Maths Quiz
7. Maths WS 4.2

hehh. I'll finish something everyday! I will make full use of my march holidays. =D
yaya. Life is beautiful when you think and look positive.
=D

And oh yeah! I beat NIGEL 3-17
hahah. =P

My match point was at 3 you see, his was 21, but I BEAT HIM. WOOTS. HHAHA.
Okay I'm madd. =D
DADA. =D Tomorrow's there church. hehh. I <33 myself and GOD. =D

2006-03-10T01:34:00.000-08:00

HELLO

I've just came back from Lifeskills Camps
and I'm one happy person. =D

15 random things about LSC:
1. Our class won second for DRAMA
2. The whole sec two made a combined effort to clean up the ENTIRE quadragle
3. Grace Chua is REALLY funny
4. Penny, Francis, Natalie, Jemima, Sarah Por and maybe Sarah Kang(?) have decided to form a little prayer group and we've decided to meet up every tuesday and thursday
5. I'm DOMINANT! =D
6. I make a good GAMES announcer!
7. Watching people play our funfun telematch is really FUN! hahah
8. Taking NEOPRINTS IS FUN!
9. I like night talks
10. NAT FELL ASLEEP WHILE I WAS TALKING. hahah
11. We finished our amazing race
12. Tingyin was RESCUED!
13. I <333 MRS SUSAN CHEW! She's such a nice lady! =D
14. Ms Olivia Chee has INUYASHA. Hmm. I shall continue to persuade her to lend me!
15. I shall love myself more and live more optimistically. =D

Life's more than all the obstacles and problems you face.
It's about conquering them all and emerge victorious and don't worry, for God is always with you. always.

=D 2/11, we can do it.
all the way. ~

22nd Entry: 5th March'06

2006-03-05T04:12:00.000-08:00

22nd Entry: 5th March'-6

I'M HIGHHH.

lol. HAHAHAHHAHA.

I <33 GOD. =D

I <333 PEOPLE WHO SAY I LOVE YOU IN FINNISH AND GERMAN!

xP

GOD IS GOOD. DADA.

FOREVER AND EVER.

=D LET'S ALL FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE. =D

all the way ashhie.

bishhie.

=P I'm PART OF SAFRA CLUB.

I'm a FATT associate.

LOL

HY-HYPERR. =D

I <33 GRACIE. lol

10 things i know about grace ( i think she must have changed alot though )
1) she likes to sms sue ean
2) she likes to play prank calls TOO
3) her nickname is XIAO PANGG.
4) she LOVES me.
5) she likes TOUFU! HAHAHA
6) she likes playing badminton
7) she likes PINK! HAHAH
8) she likes whining. `ashhy covers her ears` LOL
9) you will know she is there when you SEE HER RED LIPS. LOL.
10) she's CUTE. =P

zhu toouu. hahaha

I MISS TPS. =P

21st Entry: 3rd March'06

2006-03-03T05:28:00.001-08:00

HELLO!

It has been quite a while since my last blog entry.
Hmm... I've set my computer font size to "larger" but apparently, I still have difficulty reading my own blog. Whatever. I shall change it later when I have the time.

As usual, my list of things to do includes:

1. Art
2. Tiered Assignment 3.2
3. LA Descriptive Essay
4. Chinese Article Reflections
5. Biology Assignment (Practical)
6. Funfair proposal (as much as possible)

We had prize presentation this morning. I was kinda disappointed then, nobody cheered for me... well... I know I shouldn't but I was expecting some people to, even Chicken Little had fans. And if I wasn't wrong, the clapping got softer by quite a lot.

Never mind. I shouldn't let myself get disappointed about this type of little things. I guess I don't deserve the applause either, I only got to play for ONE match this entire championships. And even without my existance, the team would still have won that match. It's really disappointing how things are turning out.

and I'm disappointed because of NYBT.

I should get a life. honest.

I mean perhaps some of my teammates would frown over this, but I would absolutely not live for NYBT. That's just plain ridiculous. I live for God and I would never let NYBT take over Him in my heart.

Did I just type that in a blog where my seniors and my teammates can easily view?

-________________________-

I'm getting funny. really weirdd.

It's about 10 o'clock and I don't know what I'm still doing up awake because I'm supposed to sleep my heart because perhaps this way, it'll help ease my disappointment and well... many other stuff.

I just visited Priscilla's blog and searched like crazy just because Ann Jie said this...

2 Mar 06, 18:45

ann jie: hmm i agree with you abt the assistant monitress' part you wrote about some time ago... oh yes i got here from jem's blog.

And the assistant monitress obviously refers to me. And after looking for a longgg time, it finally dawned upon me that the entry she was talking about was the one on our quarrel which she posted an entry on for the whole world to know that I frickin bullied her and well... frickin irritated her until she cried or whatsoever.

but hey... that thing was a long time ago

but I'm damn hurt by what Ann Jie said.

someone tell me I'm frickin sensitive, self-centered, whatever.

It's horrible really but I really don't understand why people keep complaining that I'm bossy and dominant. I go up everytime during PCCG lesson and have Grace pushing it to my face that I'm a bloody extra and bossy and fat or whatever. Honestly, she just go around insulting me and even has the grace to look straight into my eyes.

what shyt.

And she NEVER understands how hurting it is.

because I hide everything damn well.

damnit.

since when have I turned into the master of disguising my emotions huh?

You know why I rejected the monitress position this year?

Because I wanted to quit being 'bossy'.
I'm just so sick of it. Enrui even pushed it to my face during Lang Arts yesterday.

I honestly don't know what's wrong with my classmates you know? Or maybe it's just my problem. whatever. They fish out insults like changing clothes. It's incredible you know?

And also, Francis might be reading this and thinking... "why should she care?"

Yeah! Why should I care? I've no idea really, I just do.

My life is so weird.

Case01: I have a best friend that I bearly communicates with except in quarrels, arguements, making up after arguements/quarrels, project discussion or maybe when I'm feeling low or something. whatever. She hardly tells me anything and I don't see how our friendship is progressing at any rate. When she's sad or anything, I won't be there for her, merely because I don't even know how she's feeling. And I'm so scared that she might suddenly flare up while I crack some lame jokes that I'm bloody scared of being anything but serious. It's ridiculous.

And when she gets weirdd and stuff, I just bug off because I'm damn scared of confronting her and when I do, I end up getting pissed with her.

like what the.

I don't think we even qualify to be good friends.

what the he--.

freakk.

Case02: I mix around with weird guys who I know cannot be trusted to get entertained? But after some stuff, I don't understand what I'm doing.

Case03: I have great teammates but half the time, I get pissed off by some people and then it's like I complain to some people and all I receive is a blank stare. Yeah I know she's great friends with all of you so I shouldn't say anything about her right. Fine I'll shut up. whatever.

Case04: I'm individualistic. People need to get that knocked into their heads. I can just stop making effort to be friends with everyone. But really, inside of me, I've a low tolerence level and I super self-centered.

so whatever.
hahahah

HAHAHAH LIKE WHATEVER.

21st Entry: 3rd March'06

2006-03-03T05:28:00.000-08:00

20th Post: 25th Feb'06

2006-02-25T02:23:00.000-08:00

It was then when I visited eeyang's blog that I felt a sudden stirring within me.

come home running.
just as you are.

I miss Him a lot. I realise that I've been so caught up with my own life that everything's been changing. I've been so muggish and well... almost every quiet time is about thanking Him for making my day good or helping me in my badminton and studies etc.

I realise that all that seemed important in my life is badminton, studies and myself.

It's all about myself.

I gossip about people just to try to fit in.

I change myself in a way so that more people might like me.

I get irritated at the slightest things and well... it's just so weird.

I think it isn't the people around me who are weirdees but rather, plainly just me.

I want people to understand and care etc.

I keep changing.

I'm not myself anymore around some people.

I'm the great pretender.

I just want to go home.

I want to be me. The one with the attitude and heart.

the Ashleen Ang that was lost some time ago.

I stick by what I say. I will not have crushes. I don't want to lie anymore.-

just as I am.

19th Entry: 23th Feb'06

2006-02-23T05:17:00.000-08:00

19th Entry: 23th Feb'06

Just finished watching Inuyasha box 12 and I thought I could just slack and finish up my LA script. Guess I was WRONG.

dada. natalee thinks I'm crazy. haha what's with the dada and lala.

Bleh. I still suffer from the aftermaths of today's tournament. Unlike what I've predicted, the B'div didn't take the titles hands down. We won it HANDS UP.

We totally deserve it.

I really think that we have great sportmanship. hahah.
COMPARED TO THE FU HUA PEOPLE.

ahh. it's Junxian's school. =X

hahahha. The thing is.

I don't blame them for taking breaks during the match. I mean it's alright to take breaks and stuff.

but I simply couldn't tolerate how their supporters kept giving out unnecessary noise.

It's causing serious noise pollution you know?

and it's totally distracting.

I mean I understand that it's not wrong, but I just can't stand it. It's noisy and they make unnecessary noises to stress everyone up.

Blehh. I guess we all have to work on our mental.

no one can be the best supporter except ourselves.

We can do it! And if I am still in NYGH, I promise NYBT B'DIV will take the title next year. no problem.

Like everyone else, I was an emotional wreak after the match. BLAH. It's horrible you know. When people are crying so hard, you cry even harder when you are supposed to be consoling them. But it's just that... well... the B'div really wanted to snatch the title horribly. They deserve every bit of it. If we were given a chance to fight for the title again, I'm sure that everyone would have fought just as hard.

Even though, Mr Wee said that all of them didn't play up to their potential, which I agree, I'm sure that all of them had a great desire to win.

NYBT B'DIV still rawks my world.

and I'm going to work harder than before. I'll learn that powerful smashh and then I'll trash all the fuhua people. Xp

watch your back, fuhua.
Nybt b'div is coming back.

18th Entry: 22th Feb'06

2006-02-22T01:11:00.000-08:00

Bugger.

There's Chinese zao ju test tomorrow and I have yet to start on one ci yu. =D tell me I rock. hahha.

Maths test was alright I guess. I just really hope that I did not make any careless mistake since I was able to do the entire paper except the bonus question. I couldn't figure it out even after spending about five minutes on it.

Chinese was absolutely horrible. I had no idea what the zhong wen tian zong was talking about, and then it was the li jie ze yan. I understood the passage, but the thing is... I didn't know how to answer it. The li jie wen da was alright, just that I should have spent my effort and time on it. Heh.

I really pray that I would be able to do well. My previous assignments are DEFINITELY not enough to pull me up. BLEH. But it's not that I really care. At first, I planned to be super duper mug this year, but I figure out...

the higher your expectation, the greater chance of disappointment.

And I agree. If I had not wanted so badly to do well, I woudln't be affected at all. Mrs Kuan says that this is bad mentality but right now, all I want to do is do my best but not expect so much, because it seems that I've been failing myself over and over again.

=(

argh. I think the blister on both my legs are disgusting.
BLEH.

I skipped private training today for Chinese but in the end I came back and watched three disks of Inuyasha 12. I know what Yuanyi will say. "WELL DONE."

hahahahh. I think stress will cause you to be retarded. =D

oh anyway, do you know that reader digest says that sleeping late cause our bodies to produce a sort of hormone that tells our brain that we are hungry? hahahha.

But even though I sleep around 10, it seems that I've been feeling hungry over and over again. =D

AHh. Badminton is stressing me out. The moment I close my eyes, I have a picture of eeyang ( -_________________________- I know. don't ask why) whacking the shuttle down and myself playing on the court. I feel like escaping from badminton. It's becoming an obsession to do well.

And I discovered a new part of my personality. I'm possessive. as in, over my friends. DUH.

hahahha. It's like I got quite irritated when some people don't appreciate my existance and go all excited about my wave or eating my biscuit. as in. I seriously like her as a great friend you know. but it seems that she doesn't appreciate it. Bleh. what was I expecting.

maybe too much.

Bleh. I mean I ignored her. I feel meann.

ah who cares. I'm getting a bit sensitive and easily irritated these days. and do you know how much I hate it when people show me their black face and I wonder what the heck is simply wrong with their lives that and they are like the next moment happy. It's like so gay.

everything is like a vicious cycle.

and I'm getting sick of it. so sick of it.

dahh. and that natalee ho thinks I'm mad. Guess what? I think I am. Driven mad by stress and a lot of other personal issues.

honestly.
why can't I excel in badminton?

that'll make my life a lot easier if I did.

why can't I score a perfect mark?

that'll make my life heavenish.

why can't I wake up everyday cheerful and bubbly like Ester?

I'll make everyone happy.

I agree with today's li ji wen da however.

there's beauty in imperfection

but I want perfection.

-___________________________-

i love you, darling.

xP

wait. I shall have big eyes.

Xp

=D

17th Post: 19th Jan'06

2006-02-19T02:33:00.000-08:00

17th Post: 19th Jan'06

I went to Jemima's church. Hahh. She was really being ultra honest when she said that everyone knew everyone. haha. Many of the church members could single me out as a guest. haha. Then Jemima's father announced my name to the whole congregation. >_______> So embarrassing. hahah. But everyone was so friendly and nice. =D

I was quite afraid to tell which church I was from though, because it was like... the points the pastor went through about 'bad' churches had all the traits City Harvest had, but I still love CITY HARVEST BEST. =D

It's just that firstly, I had a hard time hearing the pastor. He was sorta murmuring and I was like... huh? every 5 minutes. But I thought the praise was kinda cool but it was without music and so I had a hard time trying to adapt and well... actually sing since the notes were ULTRA high and I was squeaking sometimes thanks to my horrible throat which was DEPRIVED of water! hahah.

The people there were seriously very nice. HAH.

and I met the three Js.

Jonathon, Jason and Joseph.

hahah. OMG. the pastor's daughter's name was ASHLYN and if you try pronouncing it, it's my name! =D hahah.

ah. yuzhou. I never knew you visited my blog. and what ryan chan! lol. please la. Even though Ryan Chan knows me and I know him, I haven't actually communicated with him.

Booo. I should have went to City Harvest today, even though it was a good experience, but no offense, I just don't seem to feel God's presense as deeply as when I'm in EXPO worshipping. I don't know. Jem's church doesn't lift their hands and really well... SING and each praise only lasts for a while like 4minutes?

But different church have their different flaws and strengths. yep. =D

Beehiang.
I forgot about the doubles incident as soon as training was over. I knew that I was being stupid and unfair to you. but what made me upset was how I kept trying to convince you that it wasn't you, but you didn't believe me and wanted me to say it was you. Perhaps I've said things that shouldn't be said to Nicole, even though I knew she was telling you everything I said. but Beehiang, I'm so sorry, but through this incident, I discovered that I desperately need a change.

I love JASMINE KON.

It felt really good pouring out everything to her. =D I felt really good after all the entire thing.
GOD LOVES ME DESPITE IT ALL.

I'm believing for a breakthrough in my badminton.

and I know that faith will take me there-.

Jesus, lover of my soul
Jesus, I will never you go
You've taken me from the ____
Set my feet upon the rock
and I know
I love you.
I need you.
Though my world will fall,
I'll never let you go
My saviour, my closest friend.
I will worship you until the very end...

16th Post: 14th Feb'06

2006-02-14T05:13:00.000-08:00

16th Post: 14th Feb'06

I'm like supposed to be learning my tingxie right now but really, I can't be bothered. =D

OMG.
I <333 RYAN.

HE GOT ME SUNFLOWERS FOR VALENTINE'S and I was totally kidding about the gift. I mean maybe he would give me a nice pleasant-looking card, but I didn't expect flowers! hahah

and I like SUNFLOWERS. xP

Roses are so. ordinary.

hahah xP
so pretty yes?

but now he's daoing me. He's supposed to pass me his email by smsing me, but it's like... no new messages?
-_____________________________-

anyway, I think I might have mistaken my nice friend. I don't know. I don't care. haah.

maybe their plan backfired.

I thought he was really a nice guy though, helping me with my homework and stuff but I guess, you'll never know?

Oh please, ashleen. Everyone who helps you with your homework is nice. like that yanliang.
>_____________>

I think yanliang is sorta deprived or maybe mad-ed, since he seems to enjoy fooling girls. hahh. I feel sad for him I guess but even sadder for the girls he fooled with. Bleh like whatever.

I didn't get to play again. =(

haix. never mind, it doesn't matter. I guess we just have to trust Mr Wee for this. and well... GOD TOO. Maybe I'm just not good enough so I shall work harder. =D

The sunflowers smell really good.

=D

Oh yeah. Happy valentine's everyone! =D

anyway.
i don't wanna be friends with you.
i don't think this friendship is worth my time.
i have much better things to do instead of sharing your negativeness about life.
and besides.
i know you are not what you seem.

you hypocrite.

this time it's for real.
there's no need to explain.

15th Post: 13th Feb'06

2006-02-13T03:57:00.000-08:00

15th Post: 13th Feb'06

Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today
It's been seven weeks and counting
You've moved on
I still feel exactly the same
It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name
Like photographs and memories of love
Steel and granite reminders
The city calls your name and I can't move on
Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love, to your lover now
To your love
The lover after me

Am I all alone in the universe?
There's no love on these streets
I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway
So this is my new freedom
It's funny
I don't remember being chained
But nothing seems to make sense anymore
Without you I'm always twenty minutes late
Ever since you’ve been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love, to your lover now
To your love
The lover after me.

- taken from http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2791792/2/

maybe it hasn't changed a bit.
what if I told you that I still long for you
day and night.
seek your words that would brighten up my day.
perhaps I stumble into that dark pit again.
because I'm searching.
for your replacement.
for the comfort you provided for me.
so that I might experience that love once again.

14th Post: 10th Feb'06

2006-02-10T04:39:00.000-08:00

14th Post: 10th Feb'06

I WANT MY VALENTINE xP

13th Entry: 6th Feb'06

2006-02-06T03:17:00.000-08:00

13th Entry: 6th Feb'06

I've decided to cheer up and be more positive. Bitching is not good for both your mental and physical health. =D

BRILLIANT.
perhaps confessing positive thing will make me a positive person. =D

what rubbish is tha-

ah. no negative things! =D

Anyway, Sunday's service was utterly impactful. I never remember crying so much in one service. I feel meannn. lol. I sorta ignored Phoebe because she called me four times in the morning and I couldn't help but get irritating. hehh. but I'll make it up. =D

I bought a nice nicey book on stress management and a nice bookmark for my sister. DELIRIOUS? 'S NEW ALBUM IS OUT. woots. hhahah

do you want it eeyang for your birthday? hahah. xP

It looks really cool. Well... delirious? came and I was crying so much, during praise, during worship, during offering, during testimony (this couple came out). Well... I was just so touched by everything our dearest Father has done for us and truly, I sensed His Presense.

you can't smell it. you can't hear it.

but you can feel it.

lovely.

I LOVE JEM. =D HAHAHA.

I like darling sarah por's bookiee or maybe her sister's lovely book. =D

12th Entry: 5th Feb'06

2006-02-05T04:48:00.000-08:00

12th Entry: 5th Feb'06

It's obvious that you are talking about me.

but why don't you have the guts to type my name out?

whatever. I guess I've been reduced to a heartless bitch these days. I don't care about anything. Almost everything irritates me. I don't feel like making an effort to do anything. I just want to have my fun again.

guess what --.

I really wanted to buy you a nice birthday present for you.

but I just can't see pass the grudge on Friday.

Perhaps you didn't mean to hurt my feelings but well done... you stabbed. damn hard.

to the point that my tears nearly spilt out.

why are you like that? why can't you treat me like the rest? I know sometimes I'm irritating but have you ever thought that all I wanted was to crack a harmless lame joke. You don't even trust me with that little thing. You think I meant to say it out don't you? I really didn't know and you apparently didn't believe me. You give other people a chance to explain but not me.

Admit it, you don't respect me; you look down on me.

but guess what. --, I'm making myself immune to you. because the next time you strike again, I won't even give a damn.

and you know what.

why I wanted to even consider transferring to VJC IP... you know why?

The nybt team would have held me firmly at nanyang but every hurting word and everytime you throw your temper at who knows what... thanks for making me consider.

and guess what. my parents approve of me taking the exam for VJC IP.
and you'll get your wish. you don't have to deal with ashleen ang anymore if I do decide to transfer.

not that you even cared.

`ashy smirks`

Probably the aftereffects finally hit me.

but I really feel a wave of disappointment sweeping over me. how can I even invest in someone so that. but never mind. Im getting over it.

did you know that everytime I read your words.
I feel nothing.

but did you know when you give up on me.
I crack.

do you know that I worry about our friendship.
do you know that I often get stressed up because of it.
do you know that I care.
do you know that I feel like giving up on everything.
do you know that sometimes I get sad because of the sad things you tell me.
do you know that everytime I read something negative about myself, I fade away.
do you know that I hate being so tactless.
do you know that I have been making the effort, just that sometimes you don't care at all.
do you know that I need a friend.
have you ever wondered that I could feel.
do you know that everytime I become dao, it's because I'm sick of making the effort to talk.
because you don't even appreciate it.
do you know that everytime you say that you can't make it to the team, you make me feel ten times worst and yet I have to comfort you.
do you know how it feels to be sitting there, watching my own partner play with someone else.
do you know that I purposely push myself so that I can play to some standard.
did you see the tears that came pouring through when I was coughing.
did you know that they were not perspiration.
did you know that I cried because I felt useless.
do you know that I want to feel happy because I want to help everyone else.
do you know that I get jealous when someone else receive your sms instead of me.
do you know that I still have the ability to love somebody.

do you know that I'm trying to numb myself of all feelings.

so that I won't care.

11th Entry: 3th Feb'06

2006-02-03T06:06:00.000-08:00

11th Entry: 3th Feb'06

I'm so tired right now. I wanna flop right into the bed and sleep like a cow.

Blehh. but I have so much homework to do.

1. Maths Complimentary WS (because I apparently flunked the maths quiz once again)
2. Maths WS 2.1
3. Chinese SIA Proposal
4. Artwork
5. Science WS
6. Home Econs WS

Like what the? It shouldn't even be considered as weekends. We don't even have the time to rest and seriously... whatever. I'm just so pissed off and stuff.

Maybe I should go for VJC IP at the end of this year. It would save me a lot of hassle in stupid barking mad nanyang.

What the.

ARGH.

Homework is stressing me out and I do not have enough sleep to last through the days. BLEHH.

Someone should set a law that all students must only be given this amount of homework. No more, yes less. =D

GTG. sleep.

bLEh.

Guess what? I don't care what you think about me.
not at all.

I'll just piss you off and go off gay. hah.

10th Entry: 1st Feb'06

2006-02-01T02:22:00.000-08:00

10th Entry: 1st Feb'06

HIM.

a little scarecrow told me that apparently some people in some school hate me (or whatever it is) because of some rubbish my darling kelly (not the one in 2/11) has spreaded. HAHAHH

"At first she was lovey-dovey, then after the breakup, she revealed her true colours. She's desperate."

After I heard that he had told this to the people at the chalet, I almost died with laughter.

Goodness. So at first I was amorous, but then after that I was desperate. hmm. hahah.

DESPERATE. woots. hahaha

"She started looking for guys to like, then she liked Yanliang."

I don't admit that he's wrong though but I was not desperate for guys. I was desperate for one person only. hahah

HAHAHHA.

I like the Yanliang part. My goodness. I'm like laughing horribly as I'm typing. Honestly, Yanliang? hahah. `ashy shakes her head` Even I don't snoop to that level. Come on, it's not like I don't know his notorious reputation for being a flirt but he's just a friend to me. So it doesn't matter whether he's flirtatious or not. =D He's nice to me whether I want to admit it or not. He entertained me for 1 hour alright. hahah.

From a reliable source, I understood that my darling Kelly was busy telling people about my love life when he heard of it. Hahaha. I didn't know guys gossiped. =D

and he claimed I told him everything.

My goodness.

Kelly told EVERYONE EVERYTHING. hahahha

so now everyone in that particular class last year except for a few has a bad impression of me.

like I care.

I don't even know them what. =D

If they want to believe my darling kelly, go ahead. I'm smart enough to know that he can't be trusted.

and I don't care if he does read this post. hahahha.

I don't mind stopping our game, though I admit it's super fun. hahah.

but I wasted too many smses. =D

And last but not least.

I didnt know guys bitch.

///- - - - - ashyyy.

9th Entry: 31st Jan'06

2006-01-30T17:48:00.000-08:00

9th Entry: 31st Jan'06

I feel currently bleh now.
hhaha.

OH. Jay Chou's ye chu (however you spell it) / the single he recently released rocks. =D

I'm going to miss new year. =(

A LOT.

I wanna sms everyday and have my fun but I know that once school commences, my partner for 'funning' will soon be taken away.

Because he is a really very busy man
hahah.

who watches animes almost every night.

-_____________________________________-

heheh. but my partner is fun. hahha

Homework Left:
1. Hist. Assignment
2. Market Research
3. CME Homework
4. Mathematics Quiz
5. Science Notes
6. Newspaper WS

I'm dying please and I have to hand all of these up by tomorrow. GOODNESS. AHHH.
- -- - - SAVE ME. ---- - - - -

that's why you shouldn't play too much. =D

$732 and still going.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BELOVED BEEHIANG. =D

8th Entry: 30th Jan'06

2006-01-29T19:42:00.000-08:00

8th Entry: 30th Jan'06

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray (I would pray)

Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could break away

[Chorus:]
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away (I will)
And breakaway

[Chorus]
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbyeI gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come fromI gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

- dedicated to people who have missed their valentino. hahha. I don't even understand what valentino means. My mum taught me that. -____________________-

I WANT A VALENTINE. =D hahh.

ERHM. =D

ER.

She stood there.
waiting.
watching.
wondering.

when he was finally going to understand how much she liked him.

cheer up darling. this post is for you. =D

I LOVE MY HONEY PUNNY NUMMY.

hahahh.

2006-01-27T21:35:00.000-08:00

Subject: How often do you put your glass down?
Absolutely good words to bear in mind at the end of each day. Take care, pals. :)

Put the Glass Down- Anonymous
A lecturer was giving a lecture to his student on stress management. He raised a glass of water and asked the audience, "How heavy do you think this glass of water is?"

The students' answers ranged from 20g to 500g. "It does not matter on the absolute weight. It depends on how long you hold it.If I hold it for a minute, it is OK.

If I hold it for an hour, I will have an ache in my right arm.If I hold it for a day, you will have to call an ambulance.

It is the exact same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." "If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, we will not be able to carry on, the burden becoming increasingly heavier."

"What you have to do is to put the glass down, rest for a while before holding it up again." We have to put down the burden periodically, so that we can be refreshed and are able to carry on.

So before you return home from work tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it back home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you are having now on your shoulders, let it down for a moment if you can. Pick it up again later when you have rested...

Rest and relax.
Life is short, enjoy it!!

7th Entry: 28th Jan '06

2006-01-27T20:09:00.001-08:00

Homework For CNY:

1. History Assignment
2. Market Research
3. CME Homework
4. Print IVLE Science & History Notes
5. Mathematics Notes
6. Science Notes
7. Newspaper WS
8. Find 15 Pictures for Art
9. Science SIA
10. Maths SIA
11. Geog SIA (URGENT)
12. OM Research

I've finally stopped being a lazybum and updated my links. =D Aren't you all glad? hahah.

Blehh. so much to do, so little time.

I think it's impossible not to be a mugger when you are in Nanyang. You become a mugger because you have to or you can face the possibility of being kicked out. Gosh. This is madness. In nanyang, the compeitition is so fierce you don't even realise it. People there really want to EXCEL. Except for some. `ashy frowns` hahh. Yup.

I am really blessed however.

I've great friends.
great teammates.
great teachers. (except for you know who)
great cell group members.
great parents.
great cell group leader. ( Jasmine )
great ex-primary school classmates.
great classmates.
great badminton coaches.
PERFECT GOD!

HHAHAH. =D Aren't I blessed?

Uncle Yogis blessed me with ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS last night. =D

GOD IS GREAT! =D

I was praying for money as I needed to fulfil my building fund and truly He is great. I'm able to pay off my building fund with this one hundred dollars. He deserves it all. I believe for greater blessings from Him, because He honours those who honours Him. He blesses those who blesses Him. =D

"Because the Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything I need!" Psalm 13:1 (TLB)

I look forward to a bright future, knowing that as long as I walk with Him, no obstacles will ever be too difficult to overcome.

As for badminton, I can see my improvement in it. =D

YAY! WOOTS. hahah. I just need to move faster.

Because I know my position in Christ, nothing will really affect me anymore because I know I MUST AND I MUST have faith in Him alone. =D

So whether on Friday I would play with Yuanyuan or not, I'm leaving it all to God. Yes I really want to play with her, but I guess I just have to trust in my coach and the LORD. =D

Faith is believing the invisible but the invincible. =D

AHHH. `ashy rushes off.` I want to watch the CHINESE TALL STORY. hahah. =D

6th Entry: 22th Jan'06

2006-01-22T05:05:00.000-08:00

6th Entry: 22th Jan'06

I FEEL GOOD. =D

5th Entry: 20th Jan'06

2006-01-20T05:41:00.000-08:00

5th Entry: 20th Jan'06

Thank you Beehiang so much so much!

I feel like crying once more for everything you have done for me since this chaotic period. I can't express how grateful I feel towards you for everything and everything.

It seems that you've been encouraging me so much despite all that you are experiencing.

I love you and thank you so much. =D

But I can't cry, because I'll get swollen eyes at the rate of the amount of water I use for crying every day since wednesday.

Anyway, I've DECIDED! =D hhah. I won't give up badminton. never will. =D

Well... I love it and of course, I love my doubles partner and teammates so much that I wont want to give it up even if I'm unable to get what I want in nationals or zonal's competition however, I will still strive for GOD, myself and my favourite team in the world.

It taught me so much that I've already been tied too tightly to it; I can't be released.

It's different now and I'm going to look at it with another perspective.

I will train hard, I will make the effort and I will love the whole process whether I succeed or not.

because life isn't about winning.

Thank God for bringing Beehiang into my life.
=D

"in the context of accomplishing stuff, to trust and put confidence in self and others will lead you to your goals"- changzhong.

I feel extremely motivated by this. =D

Praise the Lord on high.

4th Entry: 17th Jan'06

2006-01-17T03:48:00.000-08:00

4th Entry: 17th Jan'06

Oh bugger. I'm feeling awfully miserable and stoned right now. and it's like 4hours, 10 minutes to my birthday (special thanks to Changzhong).

-__________________________________-
BLEH.

erh. Maybe it's due to training?

HAIX. Yes, I know I'm probably going to lose Yuanyi and not play with her during tournament, but the point isn't that, it's just that I'm scared I'm going to lose Yuanyi as a whole. Well, you see, in the beginning, everything happened between us, because we were a pair, we were THE pair. doubles. perfect. But it's just that, if I'm going to switch partners, example to Eeyang, I'm scared that I might not be able to have that special connection with Yuanyuan again. I mean I really like her. wrong. I love her like crazy. She's such a good friend and teammate and advisor and and a lot of other things.

Our good friendship was established because we played with each other, we fought for each other but if she were to start partnering someone else example alian, it's like... what would become of our friendship? That time we talked for an hour on the phone about our games, but end up forgetting everything we are supposed to change.

BUGGER. hahah
dont wanna blog le. byebye. =D

3rd Entry: 15th Jan'06

2006-01-15T01:40:00.000-08:00

3rd Entry: 15th Jan'06

OMG. I'm back with PAPA. =D

I love my FATHER. =D

He welcomed me back despite me not honouring my time with Him. I feel so guity but I shall make amendments! =D I shall spend more time with Him.

Kk gotta go study. buai buai. =D

2nd Entry: 14th Jan'06

2006-01-14T05:06:00.000-08:00

2nd Entry: 14th Jan'06

Everyone in nybt seems quite upset. Oh well, Mr Wee isn't helping much by shifting all the pairings. Someone should tell him that we all aren't comfortable with the new pairings. blehh.

My spiritual life is dying. I don't know what the baka I'm doing. I hardly spend time with God anymore, chosing to satisfy my own desires instead, example sleeping like a log at 10pm.

I NEED TO PRAY PRAY AND PRAY!

I need to pray for
my team.
my studies.
my family.
my sister.
my moodswings.
my badminton skills.
my competitions.
my spiritual life.
my homework.
my school days.
my friends.
my dear little bee.

1st Entry

2006-01-13T06:37:00.000-08:00

1st Entry: 13th Jan '06

HELLO.

welcome to my new blog. coloredgrey-.blogspot.com. hah. After being greatly influenced by the groovy tunes of Ashlee Simpson's Boyfriend and L.O.V.E. , I have decided that I've actually a hidden interest, dance. Problem is, perhaps I should get myself some dance instructor, but that is if I actually find time for dance, but as you all know FOCUS is the path to success. And if I'm going to start dancing, I'll just have to forget about badminton which is like never? hah.

Anyway, by right, this blog signifies another year in my life. The previous blog will still exist due to much pleasure of everyone who delighted in reading my crappy self-pity stories. This blog will be entirely me and if you don't like it at all, I suggest you clarify the problem with me because I tend to jump to conclusions a lot. And besides, I believe in peace-making. I'm a very amiable and approachable creature you see.

There was a friendly match with Cedar Girls today. Unexpectedly, we lost the first match by 4 points but managed to win 15-3 in the second. I've no idea why I was playing so horribly, but I was just plain horrible. Perhaps I can try to make excuses for the loss by saying that I was sick and my head was spinning and my racket's tension sucked, but all in all, I can't deny it, I'm not up to the standard. It was unbelievable how lousy I was, but hey, it doesn't matter anymore. I've picked myself up in a matter of seconds and I promise

I'll never disappoint the team again.

I can do it for the glory of God, my team and myself!

Yes, I can! But right now, I just need some rest. =D Good night. =D